July 16 , 17, 18 2004
I do apologize for not writing yesterday or the day before, Friday the power was out thank you once again to the power company for so sufficiently leaving us in the dark once again for another Friday night and Saturday morning. Yesterday evening I was out till late and when I got inn I was feeling rather under the weather. The nausea I have been experiencing over the last couple of days has been crazy.
All and all the weekend was good I must admit the sport yesterday was a shocker! Here’s how my rule of thumb works…. I drive around Joburg and all I see is fucken shark stickers on the back of just about every car! This is not good I am a Lions supporter! I hate the sharks with a passion because my school was in Natal and all my teachers were like yuppie shark fanatics so when ever the sharks get fucked I always picture them with there long faces. How ever this weekend it was their victory and I will give it too them. Well done you wankers! So to take this further I have made myself an anti-bok supporter I support every other team that plays against South Africa, how ever my international team of choice is Australia and they also lost yesterday + I was hoping the Boks would maybe just get their asses kicked by the Pacific Islanders but to no avail (sigh) how ever I can take defeat after defeat! Next weekend I will be screaming for the All Blacks! We will see who laughs last then!
Strange thing last night I ended up at a function at 21st nog all, now where I come from your 21st is a celebration of turning from a teen to a man or woman, so here I am a a twenty first and it’s a super hero dress up party, ye ye ye, I know let them be but surely turning from a teen to an adult should be a fairly respectable event! Ag what the fuck it was a good one any way and to who ever the hell the birthday boy was NICE ONE MATE!
So as the new week dawns on us I wish you all a good one, scrape deeply out the barrel to make it last! Pay day is almost upon us!
Cheers
Matrix
July 15 2004
As the day passed by I found my motivation increasing, I feel these strange changes coming over me, its not like it used to be, I’m not angry all the time any more and when I get agro I feel it. I can feel this medication working on my brain, these constant dizzy spells and headaches are all part of the curing process. Each day now I am feeling better and am becoming more positive of these drugs, the changes and hopefully the out come of all of this. There is going to be an interesting documentary on Carte Blanche on Sunday covering medication and suicide in the world of anti-depression. I don’t think I’d ever reach that point, I’d never have the balls I think.
I have gotten some of my shit together with this web site and am trying to make an mpeg for the My Day web site. I’ll also have the My Day MP3 up soon and hopefully a CD that I will have made as well, there will be 50 copies available soon. So keep an eye out for that. For those of you who have become members I would like to thank you all, I’m having a grate response to the site so far. I hope you guys will spread the word, the more members I get the more encouraged I get to go further with this whole mission I’m on.
You will also see I have posted a page for the missing Leigh Mathews. Personally I fear the worst but may we all pray that she is ok and that they find her safe and that they catch those mother fuckers that took her away from her family.
Hey have a good one and all the best to you…..
Matrix
July 14 2004
Right so were passed the half way mark for the week and coming into that time again where the cash begins to run dry and payday begins to seem that one step closer every day. Shit and how we all can’t weight for the end of the month.
It’s amazing how children can run our lives especially when they get to that terrible two’s age. Fuck they can make you want to pull your hair out! Tao’s kid (Little Feather) is at that stage now. Moans and groans all the time, “I want this, I want that I want up…” Wa wa wa the whole time, I don’t have any authority here how ever I try to give Tao some advice from my experiences with my child. I think she battles though because she feels sorry for her because the little one doesn’t have a father figure in her life. Little Feather often gives me this look like who the fuck are you and I grit my teeth how ever I won’t let a two year old run my life, it’s time for her to realize that her mother is in charge of her and that mother also needs some time to take a break. I’m sure if you’ve got kids you’ll know what I’m saying.
Apart from all that I’m beginning to feel a little better. The medication seems to be setting in and like the doc said the first 6 to 8 days are the worst. Today is day five and I still feel like I can loose my temper at the drop of a hat but I feel a little stronger a little better all the time.
Well that me over and out for today. I hope you’ll all hang in there!
Thank You
Matrix
July 13 2004
Today was one of those days where we worked hard played hard and the time went quick and before you know it I here typing all this shit out! It can be a tough job being a rep sometimes; I go see a potential client to demonstrate one of our products. This fucken idiot just reckons he knows everything and no he wants our product to do things that it can’t! So we try to explain but it just doesn’t want to sink in to his soft skin. Well I hope I take the bastards money and he mustn’t come crying when it doesn’t do what it wants.
So here’s a quickie I send the driver to go pay a speeding ticket that I got in May. As usual it was over a month late, so when he gets there to pay they wanted to lock the poor bastard up and charge him twice another R300 on top of the original fine amount! What fucken idiots. So anyway here’s a thought for you. Have you ever noticed how when you get a fine (maybe it’s just me here) but it’s always you were doing 141 in a 120 zone or you were driving 91 in an 80 zone. What the fuck is with the “1” – is it just me, hell I don’t know.
Apart from all that I felt a lot better today, actually there were some stages where I felt a little trippy if I can say that. All in all I could say today went well. Not so much bitching, maybe things are on the up here.
Have a good one and chow for now…
Matrix
July 12 2004
Monday, just another day at the office. All motivation down the tube. Half the time I’m not sure if I’m going to vomit or cough. The medication is making me weak, dizzy I feel like I’ve be driving a car for days on end with no pit stops, it’s just like the tunnel vision on an open road.
There will be light at the end of this tunnel all this weakness will go away, my strength will return and perhaps the happy person that I really am will emerge from these ashes.
I don’t have much to say today but maybe tomorrow will bring a brighter day. All these things take time and time is what I have. I consider this just one more road to recovery that I will have to go dawn. Perhaps my life will better once more maybe just until the next thing comes along.
I wish you all a good day.
Chow for now
Matrix
July 11 2004
Hey well just another Sunday I guess. It was one of those days that we all kind of like to have from time to time. Where you just do fuck all, chill with some mates and ride the day out as chilled as we possible can.
This medication is fucking hectic, the whole day I’ve been nauseous and dizzy and just plain doff, leaving stuff all over the show and forgetting everything. Well enough of all that shit lets take a look at last night….
So we went to the drive inn and as promised I said I would give you the story so here we go get ready for a laugh…. Firstly if you enjoyed the first Spider Man then get your ass to the drive inn or the cinema or the pirate DVD guy on the corner and get it. I thought it was fucking awesome! A really good show I can really recommend it! So any way the second show starts (what a load of crap,) so I closed all the windows in the car and let the windows steam up. Tao began to pull into me and the next thing we’re full on into the typical drive in foreplay.
[So picture this – I’m in the driver seat pants down, Tao’s pants down she’s on top of me and we’re going at it – that’s the picture you require]
So we’re going, going, going then Tao pipes up that here legs are getting sore so she sits up gets up a bit to get herself a little more comfortable and the next thing her ass hits the horn and off it goes. HOOOOOOOT Fuck, there was just silence for about 5 seconds then we just burst out laughing. So we get over that then we start again more comfortable this time and if you were wondering…. Yes it was fucking AWESOME!!!!!
Have a good one guys!!!!
Cheers for now
MATRIX
P.S. Watch tomorrow for more pics!!!!
July 10 2004
At ten passed two the first one went down, the beginning of things to come, maybe a happier life one day. Perhaps I’ll actually get myself on track, maybe all the pollution in my mind will dissipate. Today though was ok, I’ve been in a good mood the whole day, I have felt a little sparky though like I cool loose it at any second how ever I’ve managed to keep my shit together!
Tao and I have had some good quality time together. I told her about this whole medication story and she isn’t so keen on it and is worried about how it will affect our relationship and so on. I don’t think it will affect things to badly, the next couple of days things may get a little rough but from then on it should be a down hill ride.
We finally had some peace and were able to catch up on some missed out and well deserved sex as she was on her “P” last week. Tonight we are going to the drive in to watch Spider Man II, Hmmm I got other plans..., will let you know all the details tomorrow!!!!
Cheers for now
Matrix
July 9 2004
Today marked a turning point in my life. A series of events took place that made me realize where all my aggression, pain and suffering had come from. As the day went on things began to unfold.
My father walked into my office and told me to go through to his office because he wanted to talk. Automatically I thought “Fuck me what now.” I walked in and we sat down. He presented me a document and asked me to read it through.
It was all about depression, on it there was a list of symptoms like: sadness or anxious moods, loss of interest in hobbies (including sex), feeling of worthlessness and guilt, change in sleeping habits, loss of appetite or weight, fatigue, loss of energy, feeling run down, finding it difficult to concentrate, irritable, hostile, nervous the list goes on.
The more I read through the document the more I realized that these were symptoms that all applied to me. It began to freak me out a little. So I ended up at the docs sport and she filled me in a little more about this illness called depression.
The result as it stands at the moment is I will start taking anti-depressants as off tomorrow (for 6 to 12 months) and in two weeks time I will start to see a shrink. I guess right now I’m feeling moody, like I could belt the first mother fucker that twist my arm the wrong way but at the same time deep inside I feel relived a little. Now I know where all this is coming from and that it can (hopefully) be cured. As the days go by I will fill you in on how I’m feeling and if I can feel any change. I will see at a later date if I can add a page to the site with some more interesting information about depression. Maybe we can all learn something from this experience I am about to under go!
This is doctor Matrix over and out!
P.S. Enjoy all the new shit I
hope you enjoy it,
P.S.S. Send me MAIL!!!!!
Contact page updated! Click HERE
My Day Task board [NB]
My Day Games
My Day Mp3
My Day Chat Room
Links
and much much more...
AND It's all for fuck'n free!